First Line Blogfest Contest

Welcome to my entry in the It Was a Dark and Stormy Blogfest Contest, sponsored by Brenda Drake. Here goes nothin’:

Name: Vicki Tremper
Title: Kwizera Means Hope
Genre: YA

I did not want to pick tea for a living.

So, there it is. Please leave your critiques of that line in the comments. I appreciate any and all help – from my usual readers as well as from new friends. For my non-writing friends, you can participate too. Does this line make you want to read more? Does it intrigue you? Does it leave you with questions?

Check out Brenda Drake’s blog for more info. First lines will be judged on Wednesday, February 9, by literary agent Weronika Janczuk of D4EO Literary. And she’s offering critique prizes!

Milles mercis to Brenda and Weronika!

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32 Comments

Filed under Getting Published, writing

32 responses to “First Line Blogfest Contest

  1. Conjures up hot days and sore fingers. It does make me want to read more.

  2. evocative and hints at the tension around the corner. I like it.

  3. Yeah, I like this line a LOT! Great voice! It really gives you an idea of what the character is doing and how much she doesn’t want to do it. 😉

  4. Ten words and you’ve already locked us into a setting, a voice, and a character. A great first line!

  5. christicorbett

    Hello fellow blogfest participant!

    I like this line. It makes me wonder what else she has in mind for her life, and who is pushing her to pick tea instead. One question…is it actually tea leaves, or is it tea? See…another question. Yep, I’d read on 🙂

    Christi Corbett

  6. christicorbett

    I hit “enter” too quick and forgot to leave my blog address…

    Christi Corbett
    http://christicorbett.wordpress.com

  7. This line definitely set the reader up with a time and a place. Good job.

  8. I’m on the bandwagon with everyone else…I like this opening line a lot! Great job setting a scene in just one sentence. Nice job!

  9. This has voice in a few brief words – well done

    You could go tighter:
    I did not want to pick tea.

  10. It evokes hints of THE COLOR PURPLE and other great books. A fine first line, Roland

  11. I liked the first line. It makes me wonder why, why did he/she not want to pick tea. very good.

    Stopped by to say hi to a fellow crusader. I also write YA as well.

  12. I love the mystery built into this sentence. 🙂

  13. Good sense of place. Nicely done.

  14. Hmm. I like it, but I also wondered if you pick “tea” or “tea leaves.” 🙂

  15. Shows some conflict and emotion, but is perhaps a bit flat for me.

  16. I immediately had an image in my mind…and wanted to read more. I agree with Margo, though, in that I think “tea leaves” is more appropriate. Unless, of course, this is a futuristic book that allows us to actually pick tea from trees. That would totally cool if you like tea. 🙂

    • vtremp

      LOL, no, not futuristic. I mention tea leaves further down the first page, but I felt this sentence was stronger with tea. Thanks for the visit and the comment, Donna!

  17. For such a short sentence you definitely show voice and conflict. I love it.

  18. It’s short, sweet and to the point. A lot like my first line. But what it’s missing is originality. I’ve seen quite a few stories start with “I don’t want to do this,” or “I spent my life in that situation.” The only thing I can say is possibly make this your second line and give us a stronger first line.

    • vtremp

      Thanks to everyone for the kind words and helpful suggestions. I’m sorry for not naming everyone, but I’m not used to all this attention.
      -Vicki

  19. You have my attention. I think your first line accomplishes the goal.
    By the way I’ma new follower.
    bethfred.com

  20. Marvellous first line. I’d read on for sure.

  21. This is a great first line. It says something about the setting and character. What young person wants to spend their time in the sun bending over…or on their knees…picking tea leaves, which probably makes them next to nothing!

    This reminds me of a time I was having a discussion with someone about all the people who had to pick the tea leaves. I felt sorry for them because it seemed like the most tedious job in the world. And he tried to convince me that nobody did that, that there were machines to take care of that!! I just laughed.

    • vtremp

      Oh no. Well, I have seen it first-hand – actual people pick the tea leaves. Thanks for stopping by (and to Loralie and Sandra, too)!
      -Vicki

  22. Great job and hook. It does make me want to know more. No suggestions here ^_^

  23. I get a feeling of some conflict, a voice and a setting, all in this short sentence! I won’t change a thing. Good work!

  24. Hmmm… I think I’ve seen this at MSFV. I loved it then and I still do. Nice job!

  25. Yes, I thought of The Color Purple too. You already start out feeling badly for this character in one sentence. I would read on. Good luck!

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