I heard this song on the radio the other day and it instantly clicked for me. This is exactly how I’ve been feeling during the querying process (by which I mean, for the non-writers out there, the agent search).
Thank you to Rascal Flatts for the a propos song, and for the minor liberties I’m taking with the lyrics (only in the 4th and 7th lines):
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin’ so much to say
And readin’ your “go away”.
And never knowin’
What could’ve been
And not seein’ that workin’ with you
Is what I was tryin’ to do.
I agree that what hurts the most is being so close. Personalized emails and feedback are awesome and I’m so thankful that so many agents liked my work enough to say more than just “no thank you”.
But… (and there is a but…). No is still no. I can ignore the form rejection emails and the no responses. I can pretend that they didn’t connect with the concept. But those that liked the concept enough to request pages, and then liked the pages enough to tell me so can’t be ignored. They leave me with questions. Like, why didn’t he like the voice? Or, did the beginning jump too quickly into the story for her? Or, she really wants the beginning to be even more horrific? Or why did he say he really enjoyed it but didn’t feel enough of a spark?
So back to the drawing board for now. I’m upping the tension and going deeper into many of the characters. Then I’ll be back on this rollercoaster again. And singing “What hurts the most”. Again. Until I’m not. Until I’m doing a happy dance. And I will.